my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
