he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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