I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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