I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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