Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
