Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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