I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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