Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
