there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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