if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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