her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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