I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
