don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
