where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
