Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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