He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We need a shit load of segways right now
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
