dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you didnt know i had herpes?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
