I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
