we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
