I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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