You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
