I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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