Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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