Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
