She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
