They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
