you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
