Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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