the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
