Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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