I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
