non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
