I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just googled if crying burns calories
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
