we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
MIDGETS
????
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
