Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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