He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
