So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
