i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
