I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
