I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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