He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize