You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
