Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize