Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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