were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
