I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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