So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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