i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
