p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
smell my finger.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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