I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize