Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
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...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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