What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize