Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
