I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you guys were way drunker than both of me
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
