I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
