honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
