I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
