so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
