lets start a swedish sibling band together
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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