Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
