How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
