I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
