So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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