Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can't turn off my feet"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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