i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
