She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
