so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
