I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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