Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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