i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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