my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
