haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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