you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
