So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
